The Cinderella Syndrome. The other side of fairy tale to tell.

WARNING! This writing is intentionally for girls or anyone who care enough to be reminded about their daughters, sisters, or girl-friends. Published in smilingrini.com in Nov 2013.

So ladies, this no fairy tale, and it might already happen to you without your having being consciously aware on the impact of your decision made for your life.

To warn you before reading this through,

I do not expect all of you to understand this and I do believe that some part of the ladies are just there wondering if they ever have the courage to be aware of their decision, and not to leave before they actually leave.

Every chance comes with the other chance of ‘what if’ you take other chances.

This writing is meant to put you to full consciousness on any decision made in your life is Real.

Cinderella Syndrome is also known as The Cinderella Complex to by which definition in Wikipedia firstly introduced by Colette Dowling as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grow older. Named based on the famous fairy tale Cinderella based on the idea of femininity portrayed in that story, where a woman is beautiful, graceful, polite, supportive, hardworking, independent, and maligned by the females of her society, but she is not capable of changing her situations with her own actions and must be helped by an outside force, usually a male (i.e. the prince).

How to know that you’ve had a Cinderella Syndrome ?

If you ever say ‘NO’ to a chance for a reason that you’re THINKING of :

  1. Choosing a job for shorter term as expecting your man to marry you; OR
  2. Considering not to take certain roles with a reason of trying to conceive a baby, OR
  3. Believing that the dream job is always out there and somehow you will be led to it..

Naaaah! Sorry girls, that’s so fairy tales. You have been confirmed as having the Cinderella Syndrome.

First, if he loves you then he will love you for whatever choice of career you have made. If ever that there’s decision to certain career choice that need to be based on discussion of you both — not your assumption. You will never know if happens that your guy just love you the way you juggle all the things in between. You do aware that active women can be very appealing, don’t you ?

Second, baby-making things are not happening at work-time (not that I’m aware of) – if you require proper healthy life-style then be discipline to yourself. Yes you need certain condition to ensure that you live in a supportive condition for conceiving a baby, yet the most important thing is you and your partner well-being. And that start with a mindset and a lifestyle. Not excuses.

Third, Yes dream job is out there definitely. But you can not find it if you can not crack how you need to make your current job a dream job enough for you. Every job and every company has its own up and down side. Either way, whether you find it here and now or somewhere out there it would be fully relying on your capability to work hard and smart enough to get it. Even if you’re born with the silverspoon, you still need to figure out how to keep your silverspoon shiny.

Not that I said that you did wrong.

You did exactly right, to your thinking (or may I say the illusion created by which is not happening yet).

Yes your mind said that it might be happening soon. Yes it might – but then you forgot the other chances of NOT happening. So mind your worries :)

The best of chances that might happen to you is when you decide to do it and make a difference for your life.

If ever that you choose to be a Cinderella, make sure that you know that you are in a conscious mind and happy enough with your decision. And that there always at least 2 options of happening & not happening.

If ever you regret on things that you should’ve done – don’t. Go out and make a change to yourself. Never too late to create your own fairy tale. And remember what Sheryl Sandberg said, DON’T LEAVE BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

Take this advice from a girl who believes that her life is a series of fairy tale-like not because she wait for it but because she believe that she can make things happen. And yes, if you made it to read this thoroughly , thank you! and that you are lucky enough to know that I have my Cinderella syndrome in 20ies and lead me to a 2 years post-birth depression. So yes, I did wish that I’ve done things back then, and made things in a different way. 

So the least I wrote this to remind my daughter and to encourage her to talk about chances and able to mindfully make decision for her life, making her own version of cinderella or making the cinderella story came true.

I eventually realized that every mom wants their children to be happy whatever their choices for life. So yes I want the same for my daughter. No regrets.

So tell me what would you want your children be?